This piece of feedback changed my life. And it can change yours too.

A senior leader once gave me a piece of feedback that completely changed my life. Still to this day - almost 12 years later - I often reflect on this great gift he gave me and wonder how different my life would be if I hadn’t received it.

Read to the end and I’ll show you how to have the same revelation.

Let me set the scene for you.

We are in a meeting room. It’s my yearly review. 

I’ve received 360 feedback - feedback from across the business.

And it’s not great.

There is one piece of feedback that I can’t get past.

‘Steph needs to realise that her mood effects the wider team in a negative way’

My boss (who was and still is a friend & mentor) tried to explain it to me in a way that was constructive.

‘You’re a big personality. So when you are not in a great mood, that effects the rest of the team. People really notice it - because they look up to you’ he said.

‘Well, I didn’t asked to be looked up to!’ I replied.

‘Let me flip it around for you. You have the kind of personality where you can influence others. People listen to what you have to say. So when you are negative, its has a negative impact. BUT it works the other way too. It can be incredibly powerful, if you use it in a positive way’ he said.

At this point I was upset, on the verge of tears. 

I’d heard enough and the meeting was over.

That weekend I went to Ibiza with 3 of my close girlfriends.

After a long plane ride, an expensive cab and a 100 Euro club entry, we were on the dance floor of a club that was so packed, you couldn’t move, let along get a drink.

Everyone was hating it and wanted to go home.

Hearing my boss in my ears, I decided to try something new.

Instead of being the Eternal Realist and proposing we all go home to bed, I decided to see if my boss was right. 

Could I be the Eternal Optimist who turned the whole mood of the group?

I decided to give it a try.

‘Come team! Who cares that we can’t dance or move or get a drink? We are in Ibiza! And it’s our first night. Let’s have FUN!’ I said.

And we stayed out til 4am.

The next day by the pool my best friend turned to me and said ‘you were amazing last night!’

‘What do you mean?’, I said.

‘Well, usually on nights like that you’d be the first one to say we should go home because it sux and everyone would agree with you and we’d leave. But because you were the one saying we should stay, everyone agreed and it was an awesome night. You should be like that more often’.

My heart sank. 

Not only I was affecting my colleagues, but I was also impacting my friends.

This feedback made me a better person

In hindsight, I realised what an incredible gift my boss had given to me. 

Feedback is a hard pill to swallow. 

But it is an incredible gift.

That feedback I got? It didn't just make my work life better. It made my entire life better.

Here’s what you can do

If you don’t work somewhere that has a culture of feedback OR you just don’t feel comfortable asking your colleagues, here is a fun (brave!) exercise you can do to get similar feedback.

Select 10-15 people who you are close to either personally or if appropriate, professionally.

Put them all on an email on BCC (so they can’t reply ALL to the email)

Then write the following email (copy to steal it!):

‘If you are receiving this email it is because you are someone in my life who I am close to and who’s opinion I respect. I want to take the opportunity to grow and learn and develop, in order to become the person I need to be to have the success in my life that I want. So I would love if you could take the time to email me back with my 3 weaknesses (or areas of improvement!) and my 3 strengths, with some context as to each one.Please be open and honest. Im doing this to grow and to learn more about myself and for this I need complete honesty. Thank you in advance for taking the time’

This is an exercise we do on the Creative Career Level Up as part of the Personal Growth and Development phase of the programme. And trust me, the insights that my clients get from doing this exercise are life-changing!

I’d highly recommend you give it a try.

You may even have your own ‘Ibiza Moment’.